If you are suffering from Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue or any other chronic illness disease or syndrome, then I hope that your visit to my page can enlighten you, Offer you help, hope, and encouragement.

In dealing with my chronic pain and also helping others to deal with theirs I have come to discover that we do have an awful lot in common besides the physical pain.. We also share an emotional pain as well.  People who suffer from chronic illness or pain often have feelings of grief.  Grief explained is a Loss of something we valued, something that was close to us.. be it a person, or a job or even a lifestyle.. And along with the grief comes a bounty of emotions that we have a hard time explaining.. Depression, guilt, anger, frustration, low self-esteem, unworthyness, a loss of hope, or a loss of encouragement..  A loss of life the way it once was, a change.  We tend to think that we are a burden to our friends and family, and alot of that might come from them not understanding..  I hope to add some links about grief that goes along with the Loss of our own lives, the way it once was.. And some tips to help you understand that all those feelings are normal, though you might not feel them all, they are normal.. Hopefully you can also get your family or friends involved in your therapy, to where they do understand.. But also, for us to understand that they too are human and they are also going to feel some of the things we feel, the frustration and the anger.  This might help us to understand why they also do the things they do and say the things they say.  Not because they are angry with us, but they don't understand and they are reacting to a situation they have no more control over than we ourselves do.

My own story of chronic pain and illness and how they have affected my life

In 1984, I was in an auto accident that caused damage to my neck and shoulder, thinking that was all the damage, I went thru several rounds of physical therapy, drug therapy and pain management.. But I still continued to trudge along with all my many activities.. In 1988, it all came crashing down, I was totally exhausted and severely depressed.. as you can read in "my story on my other page... It seemed that I needed to work more and more hours to make ends meet, even though the pain was starting to effect my ability to finish some things on time... this went on though after my release from the hospital for another 2 years..

In 1991, I had started seeing a new doctor, one of the medical doctors that had taken care of me during my 3 month stay in a psychiatric hospital.. I explained to him every pain I was having and every symptom, he immediately sent me to a neurologist who discovered that I had a ruptured disc in my neck and they did surgery to fuse the vertebra together.. but the low back pain was still getting worse, and I was having numbness and tingling in my legs, and finally in 1993 after finally giving in to my oldest daughters pleas to see a chiropractor, I went to see him, and on his initial visit he had to do some x-rays, and they found a broken vertebra in my low back... and I went back to see the neurologist and he ran more tests and it was confirmed that I in deed had a broken vertebra in my low back that wouldn't heal due to it being spread apart, half pressing on my spinal cord and half pressing the opposite direction.. and again I went thru several rounds of pain management, physical therapy, drug therapy.. Why did this take so many years to find? I don't know other than they did not listen to me when I said I was having pain in my low back and legs, their answer to me for 7.5 years was that due to the damage in my neck the rest of my spine was trying to compensate..

I am not sure exactly what caused the chronic fatigue or the fibromyalgia but I do know what causes the chronic pain, and it is very hard to deal with most of the time.. Most people do not understand what it is like to live in pain 24 hours a day, and how tired you get from fighting the pain.. I do know that at the end of sept of 1991 I became very ill, was told it was bronchitis, but I have my doubts about that being all it was, I couldn't breath, was raspy, couldn't find the energy to walk across the room.. I was treated with antibiotics and was off work for a week... I was placed on permanent disability in oct. the day I went back to work, after this illness I was forced to take disability.. and I became very distraught and depressed... I still had no energy, and the medications that I was placed on during that time seemed to knock me out.. all I could do is sleep... the following year I came down with pneumonia and was in the hospital for 10 days... I had 5 different infections in my body, mono was one of them, pneumonia, and I am not sure of the others, I still have not ever fully recovered... I am so totally exhausted every single second of my life..

     Pure Exhaustion... I feel most of the time like someone has sucked the life right out of me, It is difficult to breath or keep my eyes open, and you just feel like your heart is beating so slowing that it is just going to stop...

     My goal in dealing with all this pain and suffering is that I want to help other people to understand that not only are they NOT alone, but there is help out there.. I am still searching, and there are alot of resources on the internet to validate my feelings and my pain..

     How do I cope?  I keep my mind busy, there are times when the pain is so severe that I can't do that, or that I am just so confused and can't do that, but most of the time, I just keep busy, my body may be broken down, but my mind isn't, and I can still reach out to help as many people as I possibly can.. and I create... I can sit and create for hours, my mind racing for the next project.. but I also search for answers, and I try to help others to understand. I do for other people, it gives me a purpose in life.. if it is making a graphic for them, making a web page, or lending an ear, I can help and I truly hope that I do..